If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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close one eye or the other to move an object near by when I'm bored -Noel

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.