If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

close one eye or the other to move an object near by when I'm bored -Noel

You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.