I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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After reading some good posts here, I skipped to the last pages just to find out really sick people and stupid things.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.