I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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After reading some good posts here, I skipped to the last pages just to find out really sick people and stupid things.

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.