When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.