only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

thumb_up thumb_down -71

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

thumb_up thumb_down -77

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

thumb_up thumb_down

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.