When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.