Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

Justin Beiber is a woman

I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

only read the short jokes on this website

That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

I lift my butt when I'm farting

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.