Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

Sitting down in the shower

i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

I **** with no hands.

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

I gotta get down of Friday

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.