When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.