fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.