When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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Trying on other people's clothes at the gym/laundromat when they ain't looking!! (^_^)

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.