Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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check shower for murder then pee

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Having gay sex

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.