Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

I can't piss with my shoes on.

filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.