When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Pretend i'm a sim.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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k. everyone

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.