Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.