Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.