I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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Look at my poop before flushing

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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Pee while setting down even if your a dude.

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.