Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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I think about other women when having sex

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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blink

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.