Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

I can't piss with my shoes on.

filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

Take off the ends of the banana (

Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.