Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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I never feel bored

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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I think about other women when having sex

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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blink

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.