Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.