I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.