Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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Showering with my uncle Jarrett <3

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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.don't like something because being scared that it appears on my wall.

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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speak proper english

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.