At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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humiliating little girls

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.