- Things You Think Only You Do

After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

Videotape my mother in the shower.

I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

Only use the left earphone.

sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

I can't piss with my shoes on.

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.