i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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check shower for murder then pee

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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Vote for the other guy

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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I think about other women when having sex

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.