My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Look at my poop before flushing

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.