Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.