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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

Don't make a sound when sitting in the stall and someone walks in; and in turn, don't say anything to the person in the stall even if you know who it is!

I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

I wonder why people were happy after the last election

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

Look at my poo before I flush it.

Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.