Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.