Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

thumb_up thumb_down -10

pee when you are dreaming haha lol

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

thumb_up thumb_down -20

when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

thumb_up thumb_down -40

CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.