Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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I pee in the shower. :3

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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humiliating little girls

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.