when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

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I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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I think about other women when having sex

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.