think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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humiliating little girls

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.