See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I chew around the center of carrots.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

thumb_up thumb_down -4

At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.