Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.