I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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wen on this website go look at the most disliked

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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I push the door open with my stomach

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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check shower for murder then pee

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Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.