I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

wen on this website go look at the most disliked

Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

I wonder why people were happy after the last election

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

Text random people saying I'm pregnant

Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

I push the door open with my stomach

fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

check shower for murder then pee

Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

Brake for tail-gaters

I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.