taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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I never feel bored

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.