Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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I think about other women when having sex

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.