I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Having gay sex

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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I sometimes want to eat spaghetti with my hands, but for whatever reason have never done it...

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.