I masturbate with sandpaper

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When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Get the feeling that somebody is going to grab your foot when you walk by a bed in the dark...

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Every time I see people's bare feet I'm automatically counting their toes to make sure if they have an extra toe or two.

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fap

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Set Fire to the Rain

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Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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chew on the side of my teeth

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.