Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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Pee in the shower

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.