I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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Play as both sides on fifa

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.