My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.