Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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humiliating little girls

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.