I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.