When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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I piss in the bed every night

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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I never feel bored

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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humiliating little girls

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.