I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.