When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

thumb_up thumb_down -51

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Think about breathing...

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

thumb_up thumb_down -147

I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -20

when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.