try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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humiliating little girls

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.