Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.