I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

Boinked my neighbor

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.