You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.