I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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While listening to music, I take my headphones off to make sure nobody else can hear it.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Tough but loving hands!! Mmm them calluses tho!! ^_^

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.