While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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I don't read the terms of service.

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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Wonder why every single kid is looking at you in a restaurant.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.