Brake for tail-gaters

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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humiliating little girls

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.