I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.