When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Look at my poop before flushing

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.