i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

humiliating little girls

when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.