I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I pee in the shower. :3

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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I think about other women when having sex

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.