Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I pee in the shower. :3

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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Boinked my neighbor

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.