Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.