Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I am always SO sure the metal detector or store alarms will go off when I walk through them. –Ikka

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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While listening to music, I take my headphones off to make sure nobody else can hear it.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Having gay sex

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.