Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Try tosing in the same tone and impersonate a girl voice while listening to music in my room, but then quickly start humming in a low voice when someones walking by -Ethan

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.