When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Vote for the other guy

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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I think about other women when having sex

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.