- Things You Think Only You Do

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

only feel the need to click one of the related sites that draws you after youve clicked 'next page'

when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.