Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

thumb_up thumb_down -66

eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Pretend i'm a sim.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.