I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.