strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.