I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.