I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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I think about other women when having sex

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.