Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.