Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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listen to madonnas new album

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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k. everyone

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.