Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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blink

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.