When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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blink

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.