Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.