When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

blink

Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.