taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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I think about other women when having sex

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.