Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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I got 12 months free xbox live gold from this website http://freexboxlivegoldcodes.org .You can also get it.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.