think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.