think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.