Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.