Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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listen to madonnas new album

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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blink

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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make south park refferences every day

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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My parents are annoying.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.