At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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listen to madonnas new album

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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blink

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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make south park refferences every day

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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My parents are annoying.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.