don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

thumb_up thumb_down -79

When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

thumb_up thumb_down -85

I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

thumb_up thumb_down -95

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down -4

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.