If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.