think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

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Being fat

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.