Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Tear up when I poop

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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I look at this site and wonder if the thumbs up are all from people who actually do the same thing, or just people who like that or think it's a funny thing to do.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.