Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.