think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

thumb_up thumb_down -49

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Take off the ends of the banana (

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

thumb_up thumb_down -20

sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Feels my beard with my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Picking your dogs booger for him/her

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

thumb_up thumb_down -26

After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

thumb_up thumb_down -32

You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.