Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.