When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.