- Things You Think Only You Do

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

Courtesy flush.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

Run back into your room when your microwaving something

This song will not come out of my head!

When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.