I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I piss in the bed every night

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.