accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

thumb_up thumb_down +21

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

thumb_up thumb_down +9

When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

thumb_up thumb_down -15

put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.