My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Courtesy flush.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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This song will not come out of my head!

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.