At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.