sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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make south park refferences every day

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.