start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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I was the real Stig...

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.