I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Poo really loud

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Ur mum

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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k. everyone

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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make south park refferences every day

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.