I Masturbate Daily.

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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Boinked my neighbor

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Having gay sex

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.