Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Still record on VHS tapes.

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Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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When walking on stairs, always counting how many of them there are.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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sometimes i wonder how it would be to think in another language and i try but cant

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.