I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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google search random thoughts you have to see if they pop up.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.