I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

Poo really loud

Ur mum

You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

k. everyone

eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

make south park refferences every day

Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

Go for a 10 mile run.

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.