cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I think about other women when having sex

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.