Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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When i go into a public toilet and one of the cubical doors is slightly shut, I will be really quiet or slightly push the door to see if anyone is in there.

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.