Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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look at bins as i walk past them

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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make south park refferences every day

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.