Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.