in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Imagine punching someone you hate in the face, but when you see them in person you think "Oh s***!!!!" and hide.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.