I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.