after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Get extremly pissed off when everyone on youtube thinks that only guys use the website and call you "dude" , "bro" or "sir" when they respond to a comment you posted -_-

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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k. everyone

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When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.