Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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k. everyone

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.