Take off the ends of the banana (

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.