Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.