I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.