when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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listen to madonnas new album

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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k. everyone

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.