Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.