think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.