Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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humiliating little girls

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I randomly highlight stuff when I'm reading something, only to click outside of the text so I can actually read it.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.