I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.