Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.