Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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I have the idea that i'm the only one who looks at this site.

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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I cant ride a bike

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.