Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.