When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.