Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

pull out a flies wings and let it go

Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.