I Masturbate Daily.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Sorry I posted last comment 3 times. And it is best ever not beat ever.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.