sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.