wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

Boinked my neighbor

Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.