sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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blink

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.