When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.