getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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I piss in the bed every night

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.