When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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blink

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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make south park refferences every day

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.