Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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I gotta get down of Friday

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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I hit the frig after sex

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.