When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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Being fat

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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make south park refferences every day

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.