I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.