When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Showering with my uncle Jarrett <3

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.