in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

thumb_up thumb_down -49

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

thumb_up thumb_down -59

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

thumb_up thumb_down -77

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

thumb_up thumb_down -83

that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -109

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -111

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.